Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Family constellation

There was news about this new law in Sweden which gave single women the right to insemination. I commented that I had heard the KD-party’s arguments against it and laughed at them. My mother-in-law agreed that KD are insane, but exploded about how much she disagreed with the new law – with just about the same arguments as KD just had.

I stared at her; not fully comprehending that educated people could be so doltish.
There was only one of her arguments I could buy: that it was discriminating, because it only included women and not men; a result of a biological fact that men in general don’t have a womb.

She was worried that my sons would be left without girlfriends and family because if women could get kids on their own, why bother with men.

I live in a country where your are allowed to a divorce, live together without being married, live in a homosexual relationship, have insemination if you are a lesbian couple, adopt if you are a suitable parent no matter partner or no partner, and have the right to an abortion.

The fact is that today, single Swedish women travel to neighbour countries to have their insemination, loosing their child’s right to ever know who the father is. These children will be born no matter what Swedish law says.

Just as people lived in homosexual relationships or made abortions long before the law agreed to this right.

There is an idea that in the perfect world, a man and a woman find each other, get kids and live the rest of their lives together. If this were the situation for everybody, it would have been fine, but it isn’t; and never has been. It’s just that people over the years have lived in shame becoming single mothers, died of illegal abortion, and not being able to live with whom they loved.

Is it not better for everybody to accept the situation as it is, rather than ignoring facts just because they don’t fit into the prefect world?

People like my mother-in-law is afraid that if something becomes legal people will do it so much more.

Like the arguments at the time saying that the number of homosexuals would increase to the level that would bring the human existence to the brink of collapsing (since homosexuals at the time did not produce any offspring) if it became legal.

I still believe that people will fall in love and have the desire to have children. I believe that women in general want to have a family. I did not marry my husband because I wanted a father for my children. It’s not “worst case” for women to have to partner up with a man who takes responsibility, to be able to have children. "Worst case" is to stand as a single, wanting to have children but unable to find a man to love, and feeling the time to be able to become a mother is getting short.

I don’t believe that the fact that something is illegal will keep people with the need to do it anyway, some way.

What I do believe in is a child’s right to know the father. Half of our genes come from our fathers. To be able to find out who the father is is vital to understand yourself.