I heard the word Mockup first time in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Andy’s task was to deliver a mockup of the Runaway magazine to her boss Miranda. We were shown the mockup which was a thick scrapbook-looking thing.
Mockup for me was intuitive from mocking, so they made mock of their own magazine. I didn’t know why they should, but maybe it was what criticisers said about it which they collected this way, what do I know about the magazine business? It really didn’t matter and I didn’t remember to find out what the word meant.
But then I met the word again in a software prototype program.
And this time it was no mock about what I saw, but they sure was named mockups. I Googled.
” In manufacturing and design, a mockup, or mock-up, is a scale or full-size model of a design or device, used for teaching, demonstration, design evaluation, promotion, and other purposes.”
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I heard the word Mockup first time in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Andy’s task was to deliver a mockup of the Runaway magazine to her boss Miranda. We were shown the mockup which was a thick scrapbook-looking thing.
The fish on my plate
Splits in delicate slices
The taste is elysian
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I friend of mine shared a piece of advice she got from her therapist: “Don’t focus on what he says, but on what he does”.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot.
A great reminder for me that dialog is not all.
Now it is typically me to relate things like this to screenwriting, but these kinds of stories have very much to do with human relations. I guess it is not that odd that I put a therapist’s wise word into another context.
As I said, dialog is not all. A character can say one thing, but it is what he does that counts. If a character says “I’ll paint the barn”, but he never does, we make a conclusion – for one reason or another – this man just talk, and doesn’t act.
Dialog is only half of the character and I need to remember that when I write. Characters can very well say one thing and do another, but I have to be aware of the contradiction and not stare myself blind of what is said.
I was about to write that there is no way to tell if acting is more "true" than talking, but the more I think about it, the more I believe that it is what you do that defines you.
Sure, acting could be deceiving – a character can show with all his appearance that he is in love, just to serve a purpose - but if you look upon a character, ordinary and general, without any manipulation in mind, isn’t it what he does that counts? If he says he’s going to paint the barn, for the third time and the barn is still not painted, you know the barn will remain that way. And the other way around: He says every year he will not join the anniversary party, but still he comes.
“Don’t focus on what he says, but on what he does.”
That phrase will become very useful to me as well.
Patter from keyboards
A discussion across desks
An open office
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I own a company called Mountain Wind. It is my company, no big deal. I started it to make it easier to deal with the incomes from my writing.
I read somewhere that many companies focus on the outer impression rather than content today. I’ve experienced this myself. I’m expected to do a lot of things that I feel is rather superfluous at the moment.
I had not even received the registration papers before I was contacted by a company making web-pages offering going one for free, since they wanted a company within my area in their portfolio. I was completely taken aback. And he was rather stunned that I didn’t embrace his offering with open arms and even questioned the use of a web-page.
During the past six months I’ve received discounts in stores with office supplies, some catalogues and the latest was a letter with a pretty exclusive pen with “Mountain Wind” written on it as a sample of what I could order from them.
Nice, but it is still just me, writing. I don’t think I will sell more scripts by giving a pen in a golden gift box to possible clients. As a matter of fact, I’ve so far only met one of them in person and that was after he bought the script from me.
A web-page might be something, but still keeping a web-page and a domain name cost money and I’m not sure what kind of content I should have on it. I’m a writer. It’s not like Robin Jerabek who can have samples of his music on the web. I have some writing samples, sure, but what does a writing sample tell anybody? I sort of thinks that this blog fills the purpose I’m interested in. At least for now.
Gray sky mutes the joy
The new pair of sunglasses
Got to stay at home
Monday, March 28, 2011
A movie based on a true story gets the odd structure of a real-life story. And real-life stories can contain relationships that do hold without the usual peaks and valleys appearing in most movies.
I’ve just seen a movie based on a true story, without knowing that it was. That is one good thing with not having a slightest clue about American football players. I’m talking about the movie “The Blind Side”.
As I said I had no idea that it was based on a true story. So I expected husband and wife in the Touhy-family to have some form of break-up, since he seemed less eager to adopt a complete stranger. I also expected Michael Oher to make up with his passed in some way, which I can’t say that he did. I expected more of those oversized conflicts.
There were conflicts, sure there was, but not on the domestic level where they are usually found in fiction stories.
And it felt great that I for once saw a movie that was true feel-good. No heart-breaking separations, no false emotions and kindness only to get a place in Heaven. This was a story about a woman adopting a teenaged son to her family and made him true part of the home. Against all odds and expectations.
I simply loved it.
Watch a trailer here.
The Internet Movie Database.
Movie poster used as "fair use" under United States copyright law.
I cross the high bridge
A ferry passes below
It feels good to walk
Saturday, March 26, 2011
"I have a strong belief of what is right and wrong that makes me a bigot sometimes. I am not perfect and I don't even believe in the concept of perfect but many times I believe I know the answers to things I don't."
Bigot - A prejudiced person who is intolerant of any opinions differing from his own according to WordWeb Pro.
It comes from French "bigot" which means "hypocrite". That is quite interesting considering that Bigot is a not that uncommon surname in France.
Further back it comes from Old English oath bī god "by God". Which makes the word even more interesting considering what it means today.
Once a field with grass
Tracks of catterpillars cross
A muddy area
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
How do I give my characters names? And why do I give them names so late?
Last question first. I give them names late – just before I start writing – because they are not real persons. They are offspring from my imagination. I need to shape my characters to what I want and then a name is a hinder in that process. They need to be A, B and C because of two basic reasons.
One: A name causes me to bond to a fictional character in a way that hinders me from the shaping needed. Just as much as doctors talk about “the patient” and a lawyer about “the client” to mark a distance and a non-personal relationship, the rough carving require some mental distance. Since my fantasy gave birth to it, the character is by every reason too close for me to see the result with some form of objective eyes. I need to make some distance.
Two: Parents give their newborn names as hope for what they will become, or just names that they like for one reason or another, but there is no way to tell if they will live up to these names. As a writer I have the option of giving my characters the perfect names. A name that is catchy and sings will, but also gives the character some extra depth, but most of all a name that I feel in my heart is right for this particular character.
How do I give them their names then?
I begin with opening one of the many names-and-their-etymology-sites on Internet. Lately its been Behind the Name, but there are several to find.
I select male or female lists and maybe national origin.
To prevent all my characters to have names beginning with an A I try to begin searching at a random letter.
Then I read name after name. If I find something that sounds good, I read the meaning behind it and if it suits pretty well I try to remember it and then continue searching. More often than not I find a name that I think is perfect and then the character is considered named.
If I by any chance don’t find a perfect name by this method I try to expand my views. If a reasonable ordinary name doesn’t work, maybe an extraordinary name is needed. That’s how one character got the name of Persephone in The Beatuymaker, as she was a manipulating, dark character disguised as a feminine beauty – a goddess of the underworld. While Asher was a the normal guy in a dark depression – opposite his name in the beginning, but working his way to it.
Sunshine in my face.
A warm step stone calls. I sit.
Winter is over.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
There is one more thing I will do before I start writing on To Be and that is one final and thorough work through of the characters.
I need to give them names, of course.
I will write that intro text describing a character first time he or she appears.
But I also need to consider how they talk. Often I get a big pause in the flow when I come to the first line of a character.
I also think I will do a major character study of all the characters. I haven’t so far, but in my experiences good ideas reveal themselves in this phase.
The characters I see before me are real enough, but I don’t really know them that well. It’s like a colleague across the desk: I don’t really know more than I’m told. So to get to know all my characters all the way inside their brains I need to do some analyzing. This also includes contemplating me, to find something to use from my own soul for each and every character.
When I’ve find the real, true core of what drives the characters through the story I’ll start writing. Now, I just have some vague idea of this: He wants to get famous; she wants to be “unfamed”. That is no strong foundation; that is a card house.
I need to find the complexity, the reasons and the networks to be able to use the character.
Some say that it is a waste of time to write favourite colours and worst memories, and it is, if all you do is doing just that. It could however be a start to find the essentials within a character.
And I think it is important to have this on place before doing the real writing. If I’m writing an emotional scene, lets say a man sitting in front of mirror, crying, I should know on beforehand why he cries in front of that mirror; I shouldn’t make it up when I write the scene. If I create my character as I write I risk shaping the character after what is needed for the scene; then the character may appear unrealistic and do things that are not according to character.
Since a story is told through its characters it is important that the characters shape the story. If a character needs to act differently than realistic according to the character written, because of the story’s needs, then the character needs to be rewritten.
It is your story and your characters and you can rewrite as much as you like; they are not real characters and you do not need to be considerate to their emotions. But the result must be realistic.
So far what I have is just sketches of characters. Now I need to find out what takes them from A to Z in this story.
At a McDonalds
I'm told to find balance by
rows of green apples
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I think I’ll try to write the third act first on my current project To Be.
The reason for doing the third act first is to prevent that I get stuck when I come to the third act. If I write it as the first thing I do - after I’ve planned the script - maybe I foreclose me getting cornered; maybe I can spill some of the passion I have when I begin writing a script in the part where I usually ruin my work instead.
I hope that a proper planning of all scenes is enough, but I don’t think I dare trusting that. Maybe it will turn out that I rushed it through after all. Or that the trait a character had, which was needed for the third act, has disappeared before I get there.
Just the thought of once again getting stuck when I get to the final part of the script is dispiriting.
I’ve finished six feature scripts. As far as I can recall I’ve get stuck at least at four of them. The first I wrote on pure passion and ignorance. The second is still one of my best feature scripts. But from there I’m pretty sure I’ve had third act problems every time. And then you need to remember that Sunlight was resting in a drawer for several years because of a missing third act and a mental failure stamped on every one of its pages.
I need to find a way around that. Maybe this is the way. At least it is not likely to turn out worse, because I will have some form of third act for the script and not just empty pages.
A familiar stench hit
A rug in the pipe
Rewrite of yesterday's. I realized it turned out wrong as the order of the lines appeared. You put a rug in the pipe to prevent stench. As it was written yesterday it was like there was a rug in the pipe and the toilet had to be removed because of it.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I've recived the first feedback on Sunlight from one of my trusted readers.
I was delighted to hear that the story was great, but the ending was to marzipan-pink. "Someone has to die" was the verdict. "Oh, no, too much Hollywood" I thought; but on the other hand a soggy ending isn't great either.
Since I got a comment that the transformation in a specific character was too fast by the end, maybe I have the solution there.
One thing I have had a little problem with expressing in my script is the character with CP. In the beginning it is a completely untreated handicap, which was not difficult to write, but then he gets help and he begins to speak and move much better and in the script it appears as he gets all cured, which is not possible. I must add some traits so we remember that he appears different when the script is read.
I've also come to the conclution that I don't address some issues concerning a rape clearly enough.
It's amazing. After having quite a long period of lacking inspiration, I've not less than three scripts on the palette, of which one is an assignment. It is worth every sigh and curse to sit down and write every day.
Damp air hits my face
The world is white as milk
The birds are quiet
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
The word normal is often used as a term for something accepted. Something that is not normal is subject for frustration and exclusion.
But normal is actually something that most people are or do or behave. It has nothing to do with social acceptance, really.
Most people are heterosexual. So homosexuality is not normal. But that – in my world – does not mean that it is not something acceptable.
It is considered normal to get angry sometimes, but often that is often still frowned upon, especially if it is outside of the family. So here is something that is normal, not acceptable behavior.
But normal has become what you are and do if you don’t distinguish yourself too much from the group.
The price of standing out is high. Because in general people want to know what kind of people they are dealing with. And if a person seems to be like oneself that person is trustworthy. And the more the person differs from the viewer the more uncomfortable it gets.
But why must something that is not “normal” be something that is wrong and maybe even scary?
Its white bell shakes
Drops of rain slide off: splash
Wets the thirsty ground
Thursday, March 17, 2011
There were a lot of tensions in the family of my childhood. Looking back I wonder if anything could have been called “normal”.
I don’t know if “normal” is something to thrive for, but it would have been easier to put six “normal” people in a room than to put my family in there.
There were cultural clashes problems, like Christmas: my mother’s parents saved the whole year to buy lots of gifts, preferably expensive ones; my father’s parents didn’t care much for Christmas gifts. I got maybe twenty or even thirty gifts from my mother’s parents, and one from my father’s. Consider the mood in that room. It didn’t take many years before me and my parents drove between the grand parents’ homes on Christmas and we then spent the rest of the day at our own home, alone; something doable because we had them all in the same town.
Then there were the problem of personal chemistry and lack of social skills. You could simply not put my parents and their respective parents in one room. Actually it was enough to put my parents with either of their parents at the same place.
Dad didn’t go well with his parents; mother didn’t go well with hers. Dad despised my mother’s parents; dad’s mother didn’t like my mother. Mother’s parents didn’t care much for my dad. My mother’s parents didn’t care much for each other either, neither did my dad’s parents; both marriages where total wrecks. My dad’s mother was nuts, the father invisible and my mother’s parents were snobs and had formal dinners even for the closest family.
And on top of that my own parents didn’t go on very well, but at least divorce would have been an option for them if they had wanted to. For my parents’ parents that would have been unthinkable.
Many of the reasons for this mess I learned as a grown-up. I can’t remember how much I asked as a child. Either I think I didn’t dare to ask – tension easily erupts - or I looked upon it as normal.
Then I met my future husband and was sitting with the same constellation of parents and grand parents in his family and maybe they all didn’t have a good time and enjoyed the others company, what do I know, but it worked. They could sit in the same room. And behave.
On the other hand, in his family they had never considered that people may have special need and extra care. You put people in a room and then it is up to each to join in what ever conversation they preferred. It wouldn’t cross anybody’s mind to seek out the quiet, lonely individual and acknowledged their presence.
Something my parents experienced. My husband’s family was far larger than mine, so when we put both families in the same room, his relatives had a good time all by themselves talking about relatives and situations only known by them. One in my family took this very personal.
And so the story repeats itself.
My children will not likely see their parents’ parents in the same room.
Two boys play with toys
Two boys about twenty-five
They got new iphones
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I had a great theme for today’s blog entry.
I forgot what it was.
Yesterday evening I sat huddled up in an armchair enjoying the evening with a sleepy kid in my arms, when this perfect idea came to me.
Later, when I was going to bed I remembered the feeling I had had, but the idea was lost.
I had a vague memory of the inspiration for the story had been something that had happened that very afternoon. Did it have to do with both me and my mother scanning our old photo negatives? Maybe, but what? Something we had been talking about? Could be, but still, I had no clue what it could have been.
What I should do, always, is to tell the idea to someone, or speak it out load just for myself. It is much easier to remember things, if I put them into mouth movements and sounds. Then it becomes more than an elusive wind through the brain.
Coating puddles with thin glass
A new springtime day
Monday, March 14, 2011
I’m reading a huge script right now. It’s an assignment where I’ll be a script doctor and work with mainly dialog and structure.
It is a great opportunity. I’ve had opinions about other people’s scripts before, but it is easy to tell what is wrong, far more difficult to do it right yourself. So I here I go.
I have no idea if it is the best way to do these things, but I printed out a copy – four pages on each page and on both sides to save the environment. Then I have something I can bring with me everywhere and I don’t need computer time to work.
Some descriptions are lengthy – them I mark with a vertical line in the margin. Some are not needed to make the scene work – which I simply cross out. And then there are things that I don’t think are necessary, but might have a follow-up later so it would ruin the rest of the story if I removed them – those things I mark with a wave line.
If I had been sitting by a computer I might have removed them right away, but that is one advantage with having it all on paper: I don’t really have the option of deleting anything. All I can do is suggesting so far. Suggesting for myself, sure, but the important thing is that I know what I will be deleting and why, once I sit down by the computer.
The biggest difference in reading a script giving feedback and the pre-work of doing actual changes, is that it takes a longer time to read the script. It may seem unfair, but when I read a lengthy description I can give the feedback to bring down the number of words to make it easier to read; now I actually have to consider what to write instead.
A bird sings never the less since
it knows it's springtime
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
A colleague of mine made me frustrated and it annoys me. I think that I somehow find his monochrome world very disturbing. It is something with “you are wrong” that creates a mile’s distance to “I think you are wrong”. Things appear to be in a certain way in his world and they are either back or white, or in his case rather red or blue.
It is not that he thinks I’m wrong that vexes me, it is his lack of interest in trying to understand why I believe the way I do.
He doesn’t have to agree with me, but the reason why people have their specific point of view is what makes us unique. By just sorting me into the box with capitalists and claiming that the world would have been what I wanted it we all had voted on the left wing instead, he not only shows his lack of ability to care for an individual, he also leaves me marginalized, only being a label.
I feel stomped at and that puts me in fighting mode. Not only do I need to defend my opinion, I also need to fight to survive. Is this why war is started because of difference in opinion?
I have yet to figure out why I care, why I feel pigeonholed. I guess I simply haven’t given me the mental upperhand.
Paintings cover the ceiling
An empty mansion
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I will try Celtx index card function for my current project. I’ve never tried it before, but since I historically have had problems when I come to my third act, I thought I should try something new and actually do a rough sketch for each scene.
I’ve done my mind map with the structure and in normal cases I would start writing now, but even if I think I’ve done my work with the third act, my guess is I’ll be just as lost as usual when I get there.
Index cards might be the solution.
This demands that I keep up my concentration all the way, so I don’t rush it through in the end. If I don’t do the work properly it is of little use.
I’ve also thought of the idea to do the third act first.
With digital index card it is not as easy as with analogue cards though. I can’t move these around on the board leaving gaps. All I can do is switch places with others.
So I’ll do an index card for each scene in Celtx and then, as I get the basic structure at the same time in the script, I can then start writing on any scene I want. It is the first time I try this so I have no idea if it will work, but I think it has a fair chance to give a better result than my previous method.
My intention is to give each scene the same thought as if I was about to write it, but only write down what the scene will contain in raw notes. This may take its time but it ought to go faster than writing the actual script, since I don’t need to pay attention to the magic of words.
I also have an intention to work with the index card and their notes until I feel I have the structure right.
If this method works I ought to be able to write a script faster; total time, not only actual script writing time, because the magic with language and words and dialogs takes time. It would be rather sweet if rewriting consisted of trimming and polishing and not major reconstruction. But now I sell the chickens before they are hatched.
Let’s just try this out and see where the index cards take me.
Gusty winds make the air white
Spring was yesterday
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Joe Labero got a wizard’s box of his parents when he was twelve. So did I. I even think that I might have been younger. He turned into a famous magician. I did not.
There is a reason for this, of course. I guess you could say that I had no natural talent for it.
Once at school when I should perform with a friend I realized I had a short sleeved T-shirt on. There was no way I could make my wizard’s wand grow in my hands with short sleeves.
And at a gathering I had prepared a few tricks which presumed I had the audience right in front of me, not surrounding me.
I had this trick where I balanced a glass on a single playing card. The card was double and half of the back card was folded back to support the glass and making the card stand. I had no clue that I exposed this by the way I hold the card when I unfolded the support.
No natural talent at all.
My husband bought a UFO the other day that he thought he looked like a funny item, but didn’t really know what it was. It turned out to be a wizard’s trick. I tried it out, and smiled as I remembered how eager I was to show off my new tricks long before I was ready to perform them.
It was more like I wanted to show that I knew how to do them, rather than illuminate the audience that the cup really balanced on that card. One well practiced trick would have been far better than ten little rehearsed.
What has this got to do with screenwriting?
Not much. Just that I believe that everybody needs practice to become good, and talent is needed for greatness.
Joe Labero has talent for magic. I have a talent for writing. For me, the greatness is yet to come.
Photo belongs to Drammens Teater
The sun has left us for now
Spring night emerges
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
As I’m just about to start writing on a new feature script I thought that I should share my current idea about how to start writing a movie script.
The first thing I do when I have an idea is to write the idea down, fast and simple and informal. This may sound trivial, but ideas tend to escape easily, so catch them on paper while you have the chance.
Then I start working on a mind map. (Here is my template for this.) I used to work with a big beat sheet on paper, but it became unpractical. I found an easy to use mind mapping program which made things easier. This of course presumes that I have access to a computer when I want to brainstorm.
There are several advantages with using a digital mind map. One is that it is very easy to work on structure and character on the same time. I have one branch for characters and one for structure, and it is just to move around in the same space. Another advantage is that it is easy to move ideas for scenes around, add and delete without making a mess, as it will be on paper. One disadvantage is that a lengthy note becomes a very long line instead of a post-it-note-like thing on the mind map. Sometimes I wish for a little more freedom in that department.
I really work a lot with structure and characters before I start writing. For me, it is much easier to write my movie script if I have done my homework and planned the story properly. There is however no ultimate truth about how to do things when it comes to writing, so if other ways work better for you, you should do it so.
When I plan the structure of the movie I think very much in contrasts. First scene versus the last scene; highest peak of the movie where the main character is happy versus the lowest where the same character is at the very bottom; main character versus secondary characters. Emotions and treats and conflicts are enhanced by the right surroundings. It also helps me find the span where the characters will operate and develop.
Historically I’ve not been thinking much about how a character talks but that is something I’ve added to my process nowadays. It is very devastating to finally sit down to write the actual movie script and get stuck on the first line of dialog because I have now idea how the character sounds.
Then, at last, I’m ready to start Celtx and begin to write.
Glowing, orange-tinted pink
The coulour of happiness
Monday, March 7, 2011
One interesting thing I’ve noticed when I go through Sunlight is how many scenes that ends with one character rushing away, leaving more or less upset.
Quite ridiculous when you start to see it.
You don’t need to guess twice in what I’ve been deleting lately. That’s right. That last line in every scene. It really doesn’t add anything. On the contrary.
In one case it was even completely obvious that the character leaving, would never do that, because the other character was on her turf and she would not just hurry away because they had a disagreement. Not when she was where she belonged and he was the stranger, and of course the bad guy.
I think I should save those running off stage to where it is really important. It is no good way to have it as a standard. What on Earth would that look like?
A book to read, code to write
Green grass is elsewhere
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Can somebody please explain to me why my post about the Pink Heart Tag I got two years ago is my most popular post?
I’m not kidding. It is. People search on Google for the Pink Heart Tag and find my post. An entry more than two years old. It can get up to ten hits a day. Why? Why does somebody make a search on the Pink Heart Tag in the first place?
At the time, two years ago, it was quite popular with this modern type of chain mail; link to the site that gave you the reward and send the reward on to others and get them link to your site. I didn’t thought these existed any longer.
But I guess they must, since the Pink Heart Tag is so frequently searched for. And my blog entry is on top of Google’s list when you search for it. On the very top, first in line. Quite impressive.
I can’t help but wish that some of my other posts came that high.
But why is my Pink Heart Tag post on this remarkable place in Google’s list? And why do people search for it?
Fog lingers on the water
Spring is not yet here
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Why do I write haikus? It’s not that I claim they are great in any way. What I like is the preciseness that forces me to find synonyms. 5-7-5, that is the pattern. If a word makes the first row six syllables long, I need to find a shorter word; or rephrase, but honestly, there is only five syllables to play around with.
No, part of the fun is to find the right word. And hopefully learn a new word too.
Like I need to remove all unnecessary junk from my writing, I like the minimalistic idea about haikus.
In a way it is painful to not be allowed to tell all I want to share, to remove the description of a hard look or a laugh because it is superfluous; but there are other ways to look upon it. I see it as a challenge.
It is a challenge to transfer an image with limited options. Having page after page to describe a scene is far less challenge. It may be a challenge in other ways, but for me at this moment of my life with what I’m writing, the challenge consists of a minimal use of words to gain maximum impact.
And it is fun.
I guess that I someday will realize that I have cut too much and begin to add instead of removing, but that day is yet to come.
Future splendid evening gowns
Never to be used
Friday, March 4, 2011
I cannot really grasp what a great difference it makes to write every day; even if it only should be Haikus and blog entries. My head is now buzzing with ideas and dialogs and scenes that are just knocking on the door to get out.
I’ve almost finished the structure of To Be and the rewriting of Sunlight runs smoothly. I’ve even done a polish on Kim – Gee, I really love that script; it did indeed turn into something great after all.
The point is: I don’t need to force myself to write any longer. I want to write. I can’t wait to find a keyboard to do so. I’m back where I belong.
A famous, cruel cartoon
Kids can't get enough
Thursday, March 3, 2011
My grandmother has always had the ambition to be the perfect hostess, always taken care of her looks and appearance and always liked to chit-chat.
I visited her yesterday.
She didn’t remember that I was coming. She didn’t even recognize me at first. Most of the time she looked out of the window, in silence, and after half an hour she suddenly asked me: “Did you get anything to eat?”
We walked into her bedroom and she asked “What was it I wanted to show you?”
She lowered herself down in a chair and said “I hate being old.”
One thing she also always used to do was excuse herself all the time, for any tiny mistake she imagined she did as a hostess. It was quite tiresome.
But at least she was present then. As least she was someone who cared.
The granny I knew would never be sitting by her kitchen table with her only grand child without offering something to eat, even if she couldn’t arrange it herself. It’s not that I’m offended that she didn’t, but the change in character saddens and frightens me. She is as far from my granny she possibly could be.
I once had a grandmother who read me old-fashioned bedtime stories when I was staying over as a kid. That grandmother is no longer there.
It is a chilly morning
Waiting is an art
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Something that stresses me and gives me panic is like having too short time to get to the train. It is not something I’ve experienced very often in real life, but more something appearing in my nightmares. I’ve been on my way on a hiking trip without equipment or on a plane with the passport left back home and things like that.
That is for me an “impassable obstacle”; I had to get around it some how, but can’t.
I wonder if this is why I always tend to have my main characters hurry and run so much in the third act.
I was working with the third act of my new project when I suddenly realized I had my impassable obstacle right in front of me: he doesn’t want to live with her; an impassable obstacle without stress and rush and hurry.
This must be a far more slow realization than the pure panic appearing when in extreme, exclusive hurry.
Quite the opposite really. Yet my instinct tells me that this is just perfect.
And by realizing where my problems with the third act comes from, there is hope to solve it.