I’m not American, I’m from Europe; Sweden to be exact.
I’ve been to the States, I’ve met Americans, but still I’m not sure I get it. The lingo I mean.
It’s not just about speaking and writing English. I wish it was.
I jumped when the girl behind the cashier asked how I was doing. I almost recoiled although I knew it was simply a polite phrase that could be translated to “welcome” in Swedish. Still, I asked myself, what does she care how I’m doing?
For a Swede an American easily sounds overly friendly. I know this is just a cultural difference, but I don’t know how to behave and what to expect. I like the friendliness, but I’m never sure if I respond in the expected way or if I’m a strange UFO.
I try to be myself, and be honest, but still, I don’t know if I match the pattern, if I follow the social code. What I say and write could be misunderstood. I want to be on the right level of friendliness, but I’m not sure what that is. I can't measure by Swedish standards. We come from another planet.
7 comments:
To be honest is not always the right code of behaviour. In Greece e.g. it is considered very rude to be honest and frank.
And Swedes are often looked upon as uncivilized and rude, because they say what they mean.
I didn't know that. About Greece, I mean.
I know that being honest is not always the correct way to behave, but I feel I must behave in a way I feel comfortable with and can stand for, but still in the best manners I can follow the social code. That is not easy.
the social codes of different cultures are endlessly fascinating. of course it isn't easy to respond as expected when you don't even know what the expectations are!
i'll comment as if you actually want some pointers on American greetings, since greetings are so often awkward in any language, don't you agree?
In America, "Hi, how are you doing?" only means "Hello." and requires no literal response. It's a casual version of the British formal "How do you do?" (think of Audrey Hepburn in the film 'My Fair Lady')
"Hi." as a response is perfectly sufficient, as is "Fine, thanks." or the abbreviated "Hi, fine." or even repeating "Hi, how are you?"
If you aren't comfortable saying anything, a nice smile is completely acceptable.
In a formal business or social occasion, then you should answer "Fine, thank you - and you?" or "How do you do?"
No one actually wants to hear a litany of petty complaints of your bad mood, aches, pains, the rain in your shoes, the long line, your misbehaving teenager, or your unappreciative mother-in-law. But guess what? You can still answer literally if you like! (briefly, just to be kind! hahaha) "Oh, gosh, I had SUCH a time finding my way-", "I had a nice flight.", even "I'm from Sweden, and I'm not sure if I'm really supposed to answer you?"
Take your cue from the person asking you. If the asker is a bored cashier, car salesman, or a bureaucrat, assume it's just a standard "hello" greeting.
If it's not someone in a professional capacity, and their eyes are genuinely friendly and caring, and you feel like sharing, then do so. This may or may not start a conversation - but don't be offended if it doesn't, and don't respond specifically if conversations with strangers aren't appealing to you. (I personally prefer not to have conversations, however brief, with strangers.)
Unspoken, however, is the idea that, culturally, we really DO hope you are well, and happy.
~Shy Asrai
As a American I am overly friendly but I've always hated our way of greeting people. I use to say something very over the top when I meet someone just to prove the point.
"Hi my name is Mary, How are you doing?"
"My name is Robert and I want to go terminal so I can tell you how I really feel with out the worry of how you will take it."
Strange but I got laughs from this line and made many friends this way.
Thank you for your kind replies.
They are both very useful and interesting.
Cultural differences are so interesting I think. And to be able to discuss them is great.
Nice read.
Thank you.
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