Oh no, I know what this feeling means. It means a mental down slope.
I should have noticed earlier, really, because I turned very sensitive and aggressive and my patience became short.
But heck, I’ve not had a down slope since I started to think in terms of bipolarity. And I thought that maybe I wasn’t bipolar after all, just looking for something that wasn’t there.
This down slope however appeared out of nowhere. Last week and the week before that were not different form this week. Why now, unless there is a hidden seesaw somewhere in the brain that I don’t know of?
I had a discussion with the CTO at work that turned bad without me getting why. “You do have a way of expression yourself sometimes” he said “hitting one right out of the blue.” I got a calm person turning really angry, without me getting why.
And when my head is like this I can’t let that discussion go. It keeps pounding in my head. Like it wants to turn time backwards making things undone, telling me I’ve made myself a fool for all time. It’s not a good sign.
I need a break. Of the kind that stops cars. Or rather an ice axe to jam into the icy slope breaking my slide.
Right now I just want to be alone somewhere minding my own business.
2 comments:
There is power in the downslope. You can ski into writing a negative character using your own negative side. You can't turn back time but you can write a warning in a script that helps other avoid your pain.
Writing was the way I learned to control my bipolar self.
Thank you for your encouraging words.
It feels like writing is what keeps me sane, sometimes.
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