I can’t figure out if I am bipolar or not.
I’ve done a few online tests and two of three claims that I am.
On the other hand, I want to be, so this probably affects my answers.
Want to be? Yes, it would explain a lot. I would get an answer to things.
First I thought that I can’t be bipolar since I don’t have any “lows”, only “ups”. Hmm. . . Yeah, right! I just need to scan through the pages of my blog to see that I have "lows". Not perhaps on the pages themselves, but the story behind them. Once I was even close to a divorce for Heaven’s sake!
So I have “lows”. Lets face it.
I have distinct “ups” as well as I have just as distinct “lows”. And this is a very typical bipolar trait. It’s just that I chose to remember what’s positive, and the “lows” disqualify.
Does these "ups" and "lows" cause me the typical problems? I would say no. I function in my family and at work. I get up every morning, go to bed every night. I don’t get easily angry at work. I don’t end up at the police station. I don’t gamble or spend money in other ways when I’m “up”.
But I do have a hell of an energy when I’m “up”. And there are no valves to open at work or at home to get this out every time I need it. And this could be very frustrating.
Is this a matter of restraining myself to behave normal, instead of go mania? Do my lifestyle restrain my options to use this energy?
Or am I simply not bipolar?
I do want to understand why I seem to be different. Are my problems similar to everybody else’s but we all sit nicely behaving like normal, or do I have some disorder?
For me it is a matter of understanding myself as well as my surroundings.
Not about finding a treatment.
The thing is, I like the way I am. I don’t want any treatment. I know I can be a frustration for my family, but I don't want to mess up with my brain. I want to learn to handle things without medications.
6 comments:
I'm not sure I outgrew my bipolar reality or found a way out of it by the simple act of seeing my grand daughter when I was down or up.
I know my blog helped me track it.
Good to hear that you feel you found a way that helped you.
At least I know I'm not the worst case of bipolarism if that is what it is. But to be in control I need to know what might cause my positive and negative peeks.
Well, I think that the first step is accepting your conclusion, that's something that many people don't actually do. Accepting it will bring you to the following step in understanding what's going on inside yourself and to search for ways to handle things better. I personally think that a big part of humanity suffers more or less from bipolarity. Even the most genius people had it just like Vincent van Gogh (although he had very extreme downs and ups).
What's the problem if you can live your daily life without severe problems? And now you know it so that helps you to handle extreme downs. During the ups you can benefit from that energy and create/do more than normal. Interesting post, food for thought!
Thank you for your kind words.
As you say it is not a big problem as it is now. It could have been much worse. It's rather a matter of understanding and gaining control.
And to know what to expect of the future. Is it likely to get better or worse? What can I do about the "downs"?
About the downs, well, I think you need to accept these moments and try to live them concious and try to turn them towards the light. If it doesn't succeed don't push it and relax.
You are probably right.
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