“They are talking about different things” my mother said.
The dialog in my latest short script did not work. I showed it to my mother who in general comes up with fresh ideas.
She asked me why they first discuss apparent dead and the next time the soul’s be or not to be. I said that they are talking about the soul all along.
“No. He might. She isn’t.” she said. “They are talking about two different things”.
I realized that she was right.
And the line that caused the confusion was the very line that inspired the whole script.
Once upon a time I heard two women talking on the bus. The younger of the two was on her way to her father’s funeral and she expressed her happiness about her father’s wish to be cremated because “if he isn’t quite dead, then it will go so fast”.
And many years later this line inspired a script.
But it has nothing to do about the soul. It is about someone being apparent dead and the comfort knowing that you aren’t burying someone alive. A topic off the map for my story - as it turned out.
I so much wanted to keep that line.
But, even if my mother gave me some quite good ideas to be able to hold on to it, I have to let it go.
I have to.
Because, honestly, the script will do better without it.
3 comments:
A week ago I was talking with a local director about letting go of beautiful scenes in the edit of a movie. You might love that scene but it doesn't fit in the final cut of the movie.
In writing we sometimes hold on to a line of dialog that doesn't fit. As you know I tend to overwrite in my first draft. Then I begin to down size my script in a long process.
As I'm writing a feature based on my parents stories, I like that you let your mother give you advice on your script.
She is not a "trained" script reader in the sense that she have read any other scripts than mine or taken classes in reading and analyze scripts, but she is a storyteller and easily blooms out with plenty of ideas.
And she can give me critique. She is not blind because I am her daughter.
She is also one of my few readers I can actually meet face-to-face :-)
Mom, I love you.
You don't want a trained script reader. One of my director friends and I show our movies to people who don't make movies because we get a more opened minded response.
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